Tuesday Janurary 22, 2002

                Well, I'm sad that my first entry for the year 2002 is not a
	postive one. I came home today to find that my apartment had been
	burglarised. They took my vcr, dvd player, almost all my dvds, all of my
	cds, video games, basically what was visible in the living room that might
	pawn well. So I just spent the most of my evening trying to get through all
	of the initial stuff. Police report, dusting for prints, insurance, etc. My
	Mom and brother did come by to just be here. I'm thankful for that. It's so
	irronic (maby not) that me being a security alarm installer and I didn't
	have an alarm in my own home. And I've been thinking about it lately. You
	can be damn sure I'm going to get on top of it now. Horrible when it takes
	it actually happening to you to make you take the precautions. Well, I would
	like to write more, but I just can't. Take care everyone. I hope your
	evening went better than mine. *sigh* Good night and God bless.

          Wednesday March 27, 2002

                It has been two months since my last entry. As my regular 
	readers know most of my entries are motivated by bad circumstances. Tonight
	ins't the case. Actully I don't have a major motive to write. I will usually
	write something because I was somewhat inspired by an event in the day, a
	dream, or maby a television show/movie I just watched. I guess I should
	update my last episode of drama. I am back to feeling normal. Of course I
	have the alarm firmly in place and monitored. As for my life since then,
	there really hasn't been very eventful. My brother is in Florida studying
	scuba diving. I guess he will be like a diving instructor/expert after this.
	I don't know what the exact term is. Otherwise same as always. I think I was
	in a sort of slump/darkness after January. I think some of it was the
	incident, some it being winter, and lastly......who knows. I had no
	motivation to keep my apartment clean or do anything productive. I do think
	that is all changing with spring beginning. There are a few things yet that
	I would like to have. I won't go into my whole rant about looking for love.
	I am also having aspirations to buy a house. I have about a year and a half
	to work on that. Funny, I probably shouldn't pour out all of my personal
	stuff on the internet, but it's almost like talking to someone. I would get
	into chats but I just get lost in the shuffle of messages. Oh well. I think
	that should be it for tonight. Thanks for stopping by.

           Saturday June 15, 2002

                It's been a long time since I last wrote an entry in my
	journal. I had bad news in my last one. I've gotten through that just fine
	and have been doing pretty good lately. My biggest news is I'm buying a
	house. I'll be moving in during July. I'm realy excited. Now I have to
	figure out what to pack right away, when to totally move in, and all sorts
	of fun stuff. Work is still going well. I have my bad days and good days of
	course. Man I'm going to be glad to be out of this apartment. Things I won't
	miss: neighbors who for some reason play their music loud late at night,
	other people's kids (don't me started on that one), my car and work vehicle
	being messed with. On a seperate topic, I saw Brandon today. I made a trip
	to my parents place to drop off a card for my Dad and on taking my usual
	route home (which happens to go by his parents place) I saw Brandon mowing
	his parents lawn. Some of my readers are saying to themselves did you
	stop and talk to him? No, I didn't. Maby I should have. I kind of wonder
	if he would want to continue our old friendship, I wonder if he misses me as
	much as I miss him. He looked different. He's put on some weight. Some
	muscle, some fat. (No he wasn't shirtless, could just tell.) Oh well, he's
	still my Brandon. I'm sure I've changed since he last seen me.  Well, it's a
	short entry for tonight. For my close friends I'll send you my new addy
	after I get moved in. Night and blessed be.

            Saturday May 15, 2004

                Well, I be people who are reading this thought I died or something.
        No, I am still around. I just don't use my journal very often. I thought I should
        write about having gotten to go see Margret Cho tonight! I havn't lauphed that hard
        in a long time, or seem so many cute guys! A nice row of them sitting right
        behind our little group. Course they are all these skinny boys who would never
        be interested in me. I know, here comes the self pity party. After the show
        everyone was going to the Garden. I really wanted to go. (Although my friends
        may believe otherwise) After missing the possible turns downtown I thought to hell
        with it and started home. But about halfway there I decided to turn around and make
        an effort. Cell phone goes off and I get a warning that they are carding
        and quite possibly going to hit thier occupancy limit. Well, as I drive by, see the
        at least a block long line to get in and no idea of where to park, I finnally
        decide definatly to hell with it. I was sad though. I really try to be a
        part of the group, to get out and try to have fun. I'm just too simple. When
        I got home I changed into some lounge wear, got a lawn chair, a drink
        and sat out in my back yard enjoying the night. Got a call from my friends
        wondering where I was. I explained and then decided to write a little in my
        journal. *sigh* I could have met some guy tonight, but old man Tony took over.
        So that was my event for the evening, month, whatever. I have some chats popping
        up so I'll close for now.





          Friday March 25, 2005

                Yes I am still alive and around. I have made a few changes, as you can
        see. I had intended to write in my journal a few days ago. Durring the day at work
        sometimes we listen to the local talk radio channel, or as I like to call it the
        Republican chanel. The majority of the talk radio hosts are fiercely republican.
        Anyway they have mostly talked about that Terrie Sheibo mess. That is such a sad
        situation and her husband should be arrested. Most everyting points to him trying
        to cover something up. Now I didn't pay real close attention or do any reasearch
        into the bills that congress, the senate, and the president were trying to pass
        that would save her. I don't know if the bill was just for her or anyone in her
        situation. I would hope the latter, and unless I am mistaken it didn't get done.
        Also within the period of all of this we have a 16 year old that shot up his
        school. What is going on with our world? On some lighter notes, I did start out the
        week (this past Sunday) feeling good about myself and decided to start shaving again.
        Now, some who know me know what this is in refrence to, for thoes that don't I am referring
        (to put it bluntly) to my balls. *gasp, shock* I had shaved that whole area a long while
        back just to see what it was like. In the end I preferred just having my balls shaved.
        I think it feels pretty good. As long as we are kind of on the subject, I had an
        interesting dream last night. At some point in my dream an old friend/lover showed
        up and we had a really good time in the dream. It was Weaver. Now I hadn't thought
        of him durring the day or anything. I'm still thinking of you if you are reading this.
        He's probably seeing someone. Well, that is pretty much all I had to say. I
        am planning on adding some more pages in relation to my gaming. I havn't decided if
        I will restart the naughty pic page yet. All in due time.







           Monday April 18, 2005

                Well, this past weekend a good friend of mine invited me to participate
        in the beta weekend event for GuildWars. So I thought I'd share my opinions on
        this new game. First off I think that this game has some real potential. The
        user interface is very simple. Most of the MMORG games coming out now seem to be
        getting the hint of making the interface simple and customizable. You have 6 professions
        or as more commonly known as classes. Elementalist, Monk, Ranger, Warrior, Mezmer, and
        Necromancer. Most of these are pretty self-explainatory. The Monk the priest or healer
        profession and the Mezmer is a sort of illusionist. So you login and begin by creating
        your character. There is only one race so there are lot of clones out there and the
        customiztion of your look is only with hair style/color and the facial features. You pick
        a name and your primary profession. (wait....primary?) Yes, you can have a secondary profession,
        but I'll get to that in a sec. Now one thing that is really unique is this game
        downloads content as it happens and when you zone into a new area. So thoes with dial-up may
        have some complaints, but I found that the largest download I had was 10Meg and I just
        used that time to get a snack and use the bathroom. No biggie. The first thing you notice
        once you get in world is how amazing the graphics are. The detail and lighting are very
        impressive for being such small downloads. Now you can either solo or group and they have
        really done well to accomidate the solo player. You have 2 different kinds of zones. The
        cities or towns are a common area, but when you get out into the actual world you are
        the only player in the zone if you don't have anyone grouping with you. I know the world
        is all yours. No kill steals or someone camping that mob you need. Very nice! The quests are
        usually fairly decent. Mostly go find this or that item/person. You are pointed to your
        destination by the minimap. A little green arrow points the direction you need to go. Once
        you are close enough to the destination it shows up as a green splotch on the map. One of
        the quests you can do is to try out secondary and keep that secodary profession. I ended
        up doing an Elementalist/Mezmer. Lots of fun with the Mezmer stuff. The only complaint I have
        on the dual professions is that in the UI you only have 8 slots for your spells. Now you can
        just pick the ones you like and always have them, but I think that ends up limiting you.
                At some point you can "move on" in the story line into the next stage of the world.
        Some have done this at level 2, I did it at 6. You go into the academy and are I think sapposed
        to be in a PVP situation on two teams. I ended up in a zone all by myself. I waited a bit to see
        if anyone else pops in. Nothing, so I logged out thinking it was a glitch and then logged back in.
        When I got back in it downloaded a large bit of data and I found myself in a new zone with a NPC
        character in a group with me. I figured out that I had to get through a tunnel and beat the mobs.
        This not only continues the story, but leads you into the next great element of this game. If
        you are like me and prefer to solo and only group once in a while then you will love this.
        You can have computer controled characters grouped with you in the main world. Now you may be
        saying, that will be problematic because they will go off and do their own thing or aggro everything
        you pass. Not true. The healer is right there healing whoever needs it. The warrior runs up and
        starts hacking away at the mob. The AI on this is very well done and thought out. The last thing
        that I just find almost hard to belive is that this is not going to be a monthly fee to play.
        That alone is incentive to buy this game. I think I will add it to my online game collection.
        Even with a few mechanics issues I personally had in targetting and autoattack I really enjoyed
        getting the chance to try out a new game and look forward to getting my own copy.
                Something of a side note I am still planning on adding pages devoted to my online games.
        I just havn't taken the time to put them together. Mostly they will show my characters and what
        servers I play on so people can find me. Also I may have interesting screenshots and stories
        of encouters and such. Just a matter of doing it.
                Here is a link to GuildWars if you are interested.






            Tuesday May 3, 2005
                I probably would have written this last night, but it was "bedtime" and I was tired. So
        last night as I do pretty much every nigth I'm playing one of my online games. This night I am
        playing WoW (World of Warcraft)with my main character a level 50 rogue. I did some grinding to
        finish a couple quests, dinged in the process and ended up in Booty Bay. I saw one of my friends
        was in that area and since I didn't have anything specific in mind to do I offered to help her
        with anything she may need. She is a 41 hunter. So we formed a group and decided to tackle some
        of her harder quests. Part of what made it fun for me and so different was that I was for the first
        time in my online gaming life so far the "uber" person on the group. WoW is the first game I have
        played that I have gotten a character to the upper levels and can help the lower level characters
        when they need it. Two of the quests we did and succeeded were The Captains Chest and Message in a
        Bottle. Both are elite quest which means that the person/monster that needs to be killed attacks
        as if it is at least 10 levels above it's stated level. Basicly a "boss" that is/can be very difficult.
        I was fairly confident we could handle Gorlash who is the sea giant for The Captains Chest. We had
        one person drop out of our group after that and decided to try for Message in a Bottle. So we made
        our way to the island worked on clearing the beach of the level 50 gorillas while we waited for a
        guildmate of mine to join us. I figured we should have at least one other 50+ person since the rest
        of the group was low 40s. Now if you have never been to the island King Mukla is huge, as in King Kong
        big. Talk about a great group. My guildie is a 50 warrior, we had a 41 hunter, a 47 priest, and a 41
        paladin. We seemed to keep him turning around between me and our warrior along with the paladin hacking
        away. The hunter had her pet in there and was shooting like crazy. Our poor priest kept getting aggro
        from the little gorillas but stayed alive and healed us when needed. Soon we dropped the big guy and
        cleaned up the little ones. Now I had been here before in a group made up of our guild members, but
        then I barely managed to do much for damage. To be toe to big toe was fun. So with that done we
        headed back to Booty Bay to repair our armor and figure out what to do next. Upon getting to the road
        there were Horde attacking some Alliance people on the road. Our warrior jumped right in, next thing I
        saw was the message that he died. I expressed my symapthy for him, he replied basicly help me get
        revenge and we all jumped in. Now this is the first time I have ever PVP (Player Verses Player) in
        this game. WOW!!!! My heart was literally racing. I managed to kill three of them and I myself died
        three or four times. After a while I backed out as did the rest since the undead warlock was hitting
        us with fear so much and then the others would kill us as we ran around like idiots. So in the end
        I had a great night in WoW.
                I just had to share that. I know I havn't gotten my pages up for my online games. Just me
        being lazy. With the WoW page I havn't found the images I want and maby need to create them from
        screen shots. I have the fankit, but not what I hoped it would be. I have jumped back into EQ2 a
        few times, but just not enjoying it as much as I had hoped. I have ignored my EQ account, but was
        thinking this morning I should dust it off again. I did get GW (Guild Wars) and have been played a
        bit with it. I am enjoying that so far. Basically been focusing on WoW, I love it alot. Here are a
        couple links for you to get a better perspective of my ranting here today.
        World Of Warcraft Official Site
        Allakhazam World of Warcraft Site






		Saturday December 3, 2005

			I am coming to discover that I am apparently a horribly person who doesn't deserve
	love, happiness, or anything else good. I've fallen back into trouble again. All because I truly
	and honestly care about him. I have willingly handed over $400 on the slim chance I will get paid
	back, and this is only yesterday and today. Stephen and Dave are right. I need to be commited because I
 	can't apparently think rationally about anything. I guess all I can do is deal with it, put on a happy face, 
	and just be alone. I'm always alone. My friends tell me I need to get out and do things. I just don't know 
	what. I'm being punished for something. I just don't know what. Apparently my trying to be nice, good, 
	and helpful are not enough to allow me to have a good life. If friends or family end up reading this, don't 
	worry that I will try to hurt myself or kill myself. I'm too scared of death to do that anyway. I'll just 
	continue to beat myself up over it. I'll do my best not to take it out on anyone. I wonder what it will be 
	like to be alone for my whole life. 






            Tuesday December 20, 2005

                        This weekend was the last straw. I am now in the major negative in my bank account. I have
        had enough with this guy. No matter that I honestly care about him and care what happens to him I have
        to take care of myself. At least I am not behind like before. At most I may end up being one month behind
        on my major expenses. I'll have to make some calls tomorrow to make sure everything will work out. I'll
        should call the help line that is available through work. Maby talking to someone other than my friends or
        family will help even more. I so much want to cry, I feel like it would be a good release. But nothing comes.
        As for distancing myself I guess I could change my phone numbers as a start. At the very least completely ignore
        any calls from him at all. I spent most of last night after I got home from yet again waiting outside for him
        to come back out, thinking about what I can do. I did try calling or sending text messages many times. He either
        never got them or was ignoring me. Either way is fine. I think I am at a good start to getting better. I probably
        shouldn't be writing this stuff here, but I'm not even sure anyone reads it anyway. Plus it's good to get
        my feelings out in some form. Ok, back to work.







            Friday November 03, 2006

                        A friend of mine found an actual completely free MMORPG. The game is called Rappelz.
        I thought I'd give it a try. Apparently we just found it at release. So far I am enjoying the game. The graphics
        are wonderful for not having to pay for the client or a monthly fee. If you've played Guild Wars the graphics
        are very similar to that. In fact the interface seems similar too. You have three races to choose from to start with Deva, Asura, and Gaia. Each
        Race has three classes to chose from. They are some variation of a figher, mage, and summoner. The race appears to determine more spcificly 
	what each class does. You can customize your character using job points to increase the power of various active and passive skills. So far I've 
	only reached level ten and am currently working on the quest that has you move onto your specific class. You start out on the training island 
	and get a goo idea of how comabat, looting, items, and the job levels and job points work. One thing that takes some getting used to and is not 
	explained in the tutorial is how to move around. Most MMORPGs use the WASD keys for movement, mouse, or both. You get around by point and click. 
	It actually works fairly well. Left click marks where you want your character to move to. Pathing is luckily better than in Guild Wars 
	and you use the right mouse button to change your camera view. The makers of this game also offer two other games that are free as well. It appears 
	in the other two games they offer the ability to buy items or in game money with real money. Which appears to be how they can offer these games 
	for free. They appear to have low system requirements, a 3D capable video card, and at least a PIII processor. The video card seems
        to at least need 128M of memory. The game itself takes up about 2Gig of space. A couple other features I havn't mentioned is there 
	are mounts and pets in this game. Mounts can be bought at the training camp for 1,000 rupies, which isn't hard to make. The pets come after 
	level 10, of which I have yet to do. I would have bought a mount but had to save my coin for armor upgrading as part of a quest. You can create
	guilds and I have yet to look into this. It does appear that you can solo or group according to your sytle of play. I'm not certain if it can be 
	played on dial-up. I didn't find anything specific on the website about this, but the client installer is just over 1Gig in size and it took a 
	while to download the patches even on a high-speed connection. Overall I would definatly recommend this game.







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